Saturday, May 12, 2012

Coming Down

Everything changed for me the last week in February. I had a week-long staycation where I wrote for twelve hours a day, finishing the first draft of my young adult novel. And then I wrote four more drafts of the novel, an one-act play, two ten-minute plays, a short story for the basis of a graphic novel, and am now working on another novel. Which looks exhausting when I write it all down. But it isn't. It's exhilarating. It's like finally taking your first breaths after spending your entire life underwater.

The only thing is, I've been feeling weird the past couple of days. The adrenaline rush is dissolving, and even though I'm still sloughing away at the new novel, it doesn't feel the same. I know it's because I don't have entire days to immerse myself in this new fictional world, to the point where my body disappears and coming back into this world, the real world, is physically painful.

And I'm finding myself getting bored. I spent the past two and a half months exhilarated, thrilled by blue skies and graffiti and kind strangers. Now I feel the pinpricks of frustration again, thinking the same old we need to get out of this city, as if an easy solution exists somewhere else. New York City, Honolulu, they're not magic pills. I got bored there too. I felt similar strains of unease. 

Is there any quick fix? I'll get another adrenaline boast in a couple of weeks, from my next tattoo, but if I don't have anything to sustain it, it'll fade within a day. Conquering fears is a good one, but I've done needles (with the first tattoo), dressing the way I wanna (as opposed to fading into the wallpaper), and standing up for myself at my corporate job (guilty of being ridiculously shy). Also working on the fear of death thing, but that is a constant work in progress. What else scares me? What else do I really want to do, but didn't think I could because it was too risky/silly/would draw too much attention to myself? Most importantly, what will nourish this sunburst of creativity?
If I don't create, I shrivel up into slug-girl mode. It isn't pretty. I was there for years. I don't ever want to go back. 

So for God's sake, if you have any suggestions, leave it in the comment field. 

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