Sunday, May 27, 2012


Sometimes I really am my worst enemy. 

Case in point: I have this tendency to go places, come home, and then review everything I've said, especially to people I don't know well. And when I write "review," it's more like "interrogate myself for every remotely stupid/misconstrued/scatterbrained thing that came out of my mouth." Even though I *rationally* know that it isn't that big of a deal. People say stupid things all the time, right? 

But I can be very, very hard on myself.

It goes something like this:
Oh my God, why did I mention that to him? What was I thinking? I can't believe I said that. Now he's going to think I'm the biggest freak ever. I should just stay the hell home.

Believe me, this kind of head-trip has the power to absolutely paralyze me socially. At one point in my life, it got so I couldn't go anywhere without feeling awkward and/or wanting to punch myself in the face. I've been pretty good at keeping this under wraps lately, but once in a while it gets out of hand. And so I repeat to myself: it's over. It's done. It probably doesn't matter. So just let it go. 

Sometimes I have to pound this mantra into my head until it sticks. This morning was one of those times. I ran, dodging Memorial Day grave-tenders and their gigantic SUVs, and let the words run through me with M.I.A's Kala album as a beat backdrop. 
Just let it go.  

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